Clarissa's love: Sally or Richard?

 Clarissa looks at her lover for ten years, at the women she always told herself she loved. At the person who lies next to her in bed. The woman she kisses in the morning and in the evening. Her partner, her lover, her girlfriend, doesn’t matter. But when she looks at Richard, her eyes tell a whole different story. You thought you knew her. You thought she loved Sally, and perhaps she does. But that one look she gave to Richard, that one kiss, one touch, change your whole perspective on Clarissa. Does she truly love Sally?

Perhaps Clarissa loves Sally because she allows her to be herself. Sally knows her pain, her deep thoughts but never brings it up. When Sally looks at her, she’s got a kind of sadness in her eyes. A sadness that might be because somehow, she knows that Clarissa will never truly be hers. That she’ll always have to share her, in a way. But she never says a word, she lets it be, she loves Clarissa and she accepts the sacrifices she has to make. I think that’s why Clarissa loves her, because there are no questions. Clarissa is a very melancholic woman. There’s always pain, hurt and a deep sadness around her even when she seems happy. And Sally knows that.

But then what about Richard? Is Richard her true love and Sally only someone she shares her bed with? I don’t think so. Clarissa will always love Richard because he shares her melancholy and pain. Because he feels the way she does. At least, that’s what I believe and understand from the book and the movie.  I think Clarissa’s love for both Sally and Richard are nuanced. It’s not black, it’s not white, it’s grey. It’s not left, nor right, it’s in the middle. I don’t think I could end this post just by saying: Clarissa loves Sally and doesn’t love Richard or the other way around. I don’t think it’s that easy. Michael Cunningham breathed life into this complex character named Clarissa. All her emotions are so deep, but so difficult to follow. Complicated, intense and complex just like life itself.

When Clarissa takes Sally’s head in her hands, looks deep into her eyes and then kisses her, she shows how much she loves Sally. I think she loves Richard and Sally equally, but just in a different way.